I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
