Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
