Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
