LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
