dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
