I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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