Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
