as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
