shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
