Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
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