i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
