I'm so fucking centered right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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