oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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