My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
