Best friends brother. Beat that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
