U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize