i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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