My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
