if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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