oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
