Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
