I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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