No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize