He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
