At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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