wanna go halves on a baby?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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