One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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