he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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