Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
