If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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