you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
