Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
