I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
