it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
