Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drunk is not a location!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
