i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
