I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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