Please, let me fuck your mom
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
