I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize