TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
