He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
