The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
