Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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