haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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