Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
