new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
