so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
