i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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