That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
