just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
