I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
