sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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