Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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