I think I won the penis lottery.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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