Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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