I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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