are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
