her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
