420 ftw
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
