Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All the doctor said was why
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
