So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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