Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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