this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
