come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
