my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
