The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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