he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
